He's neither my fiancée nor my boyfriend. He is my so-called LONG DISTANCE SPECIAL FRIEND ( I'm just the one who thinks that way, I guess.) I had an issue with him that only me, myself and I know. The fact that I do care about him and most of the time think about him is somewhat special. Not all my guy friends receive that kind of treatment as he always does. I guess I already had more than enough. My feelings bursts out, but the good thing is... I still managed to keep it.
What's so wrong with me now? Why am I broken?
He has a girlfriend. Of course I'm not jealous, maybe sort of, but I'd rather be happy for him coz I know my place. I'm just his friend and not his heart's controller. Lucky I am because I became his friend even for a short span of time. Easy come, easy go. Uhm... Let me rephrase it... Easy come, hard to let go. We knew each other not so long, we just met and in a snap we became friends and it became a history. Not long while that I've figured out that my feelings just got deeper and I'm deeply fallen. I didn't take it seriously. It's like a normal day-to-day interaction with him online or through sms. Nothing special. Nothing dull.
I just can't control myself from visiting his page, chatting (sometimes with webcam), texting him frequently and when the chance came that I availed a SuperUnli from Globe that I tried calling him. We talked for about an hour and a few minutes straight. We just talked about some stuff, about his girl. Yeah! about his girl coz I just wanted to clear things up. I wanted him to tell her that I am sorry if she's got jealous with me around his boyfriend. Tell her that I'm just his boyfriend's "CUTEST FRIEND EVER" (that's what I exactly said). That's it! I have no intentions to mess up on their relationship. I'm not that kind and I HATE IT!
I tried letting him know that I had feelings for him, more than a friend should have and I guess he already knows about it. It is not to destroy them but to warn him to put a little distance between us or just keep at least 10 meters space away from the barriers that I installed... inside here♥... my heart... coz he might just stole it and never return or worse... might as well broke it.
I know I'm fussing right here. What really broke me was... I don't know... I really don't. It's on our conversation on FB Chat and I don't know what part did it started... I wonder when will I be fixed... :(